I've always wanted a sword. Now, if you know me, you know this isn't the greatest idea. I would for sure cut off my own arm. Or the arm of my wife...child even. Still, i have this overwhelming desire to take a huge metal (is that what they are even made of? ) sword and swing it over my head like i was Aragorn from Lord of the Rings and i would grunt like a professional tennis player and have long, sweaty hair that went past my shoulders! (Bless the LORD I'm married and my wife has VOWED to never let me go as crazy as my imagination would let me)
Many years ago I was talking to God about this desire (i wonder if this has anything to do with watching all that He-Man and She-ra when i was a kid) and He said that it was cool, He loved that I had this desire and that He made me with it. I've only heard God say this to me on three occasions. Once about my singing, recently about my creativity, and years ago about this sword envy. Of Course, as God is apt to do, He explained the situation a little deeper.
He said that I've been called to be a warrior. I've been called to cut things down and kill things with a sword. Not a literal sword but with truth. With the word(s) of God. I would be able to use the bible and what God has to say to help people stop believing the lies they've been told and to cut through the barriers people put up against love. I thought what God was saying was strange and weird and i didn't really get it. and so, i ignored it for, uhm... a whole lot of years.
Recently I feel that God wants me to learn about prayer. I think He wants me to start being the warrior who uses a sword. In praying, i'm going to be doing some cutting and killing in a spiritual world that i can't see. I'm going to be not just asking God for things but actually saying things that will happen or need to happen.
So...i might not end up looking like Aragorn (AWH, i want to cause he is SOOO cool!) but I think there is an adventure God has for me that requires me to be the kind of guy who prays things into being. I will be fighting for my family and my friends in prayer. I will be praying against sickness and despair and discouragement. Hey...enough of all this prayer talk...why not start now!
Dear Lord, Thank you for all the blessings you have given me. Thank you for desires that seem silly and stupid but speak to a me that I don't even know yet. Lord, you know my beginning and end and you are working good things within me. Lord, help me become the prayer person who boldly calls out the impossible. Who tells mountains to move. Who steps into seas and tells them to separate. I look forward to seeing what adventures lie ahead. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Getting ready for something new
I think God might be chasing me. I think that He is pretty stankin' close and though i can't see him or hear him, He's right around the corner ready to make himself known. Its exciting. Its concerning. I feel like i'm being pursued.
This could easily be taken as a bad thing. Who wants to be chased...and by the creator of the universe. Especially when you know that you haven't been close to his standards and if God were anything like you (a human) he would probably not be very happy. I feel like that most of the time...until i start talking to him.
He loves me. God really, really loves me. I am the one that Jesus loves. He is fully interested in my life and fears and dreams. He considers me his child and wants to spend time with me. To give me purpose and meaning and identity.
There's a verse in the bible that says "perfect love casts out fear". I know that this is true. God loves me so much that when i get close to him all the fear of judgement and stanky attitude is totally forgotten. Seriously, i don't even remember that i was so afraid. He says some tough things sometimes and sometimes I don't wanna listen but i'm never afraid to talk to him.
I've been in some pretty cool situations with God and I know that He has taken care of me SO MANY TIMES. I feel like He is getting ready to take me to a new level. He is preparing me to see things through his eyes. To see myself the way He sees me. To love other people the way Jesus would love them.
Its pretty exciting. I look forward to sharing whatever i learn with you guys on this blog. Yup, its time to change the name! WOW...things are changing. Thanks for being a part of it.
This could easily be taken as a bad thing. Who wants to be chased...and by the creator of the universe. Especially when you know that you haven't been close to his standards and if God were anything like you (a human) he would probably not be very happy. I feel like that most of the time...until i start talking to him.
He loves me. God really, really loves me. I am the one that Jesus loves. He is fully interested in my life and fears and dreams. He considers me his child and wants to spend time with me. To give me purpose and meaning and identity.
There's a verse in the bible that says "perfect love casts out fear". I know that this is true. God loves me so much that when i get close to him all the fear of judgement and stanky attitude is totally forgotten. Seriously, i don't even remember that i was so afraid. He says some tough things sometimes and sometimes I don't wanna listen but i'm never afraid to talk to him.
I've been in some pretty cool situations with God and I know that He has taken care of me SO MANY TIMES. I feel like He is getting ready to take me to a new level. He is preparing me to see things through his eyes. To see myself the way He sees me. To love other people the way Jesus would love them.
Its pretty exciting. I look forward to sharing whatever i learn with you guys on this blog. Yup, its time to change the name! WOW...things are changing. Thanks for being a part of it.
From Sperm Donor to Father
After a little over two weeks away from my one year old son, I am back being a stay at home dad, looking for a job and trying to teach my little boy the necessary skills for life...no pressure! I haven't spoken about him too much here and after looking at him play for a good hour, i felt he was very deserving of a post on my blog.
First of, he might be the cutest child EVER. And I totally realize that this may not be true. Actually, he might be very ugly (i seriously doubt that though) but because I'm his dad and I'm blinded by my love for him, i can't help but feel he's the cutest person ever. It always gets me though when i look at old pictures and see just how uncute he was months before. He looked like a little featherless chicken. He's head was totally out of shape with his body. He wasn't that cute but Lord knows, no one could of convinced me otherwise.
Second, He's brilliant. Yup, his little baby mind is amazing and he is always trying to figure out everything. How does the CD player work? How can i play the guitar? What do bugs taste like? How can i dance like Joshua from So you think you can dance? He's brain is always moving. He now knows where his nose is, and his mouth...so he puts his fingers up his nose when you ask him where his eyes are but 2 of out 3 ain't that bad.
Third, He loves. He loves giving hugs and kissing people and being cuddly. He gets excited when he sees his 'Nana' and loves meeting new people. He is gentle with babies and waves at strangers and lets me kiss his neck (then bite it, then scratch off his face with my beard). I can have an array of babysitters cause he loves being with people.
I love my son. My heart melts when i see him and i want him to have the best of everything. I want him to learn all that needs to be learned so he can be successful and joyful and ready for life. I want to grow old and watch him have children and go to school and go on adventures together.
I knew i would feel a lot being a dad but i didn't expect it to be this much and for it to be deep. I'm a pretty superficial guy (usually) and my feelings are often and usually pass by but being a father is like deep on my inside. Like, below my belly button. Its like something that seeps into every thought i have and every feeling i feel. I think i might be transforming from a 'sperm donor' to a father. If i could explain it (whoa...i haven't been this creative in AGES) but it as if each time i interact with my son, the man who takes care of himself and strives for his personal desires and thinks mainly of himself dies and I transform in my brain and in desires to do all i can for him. Its pretty amazing and shocking.
Well, i didn't think i was gonna talk about that tonight. There's a weird peek into my feelings of being a father. Thanks everyone for reading. I just read through all the comments and you guys are awesome! Keep those comments coming. I should be back on schedule of writing every Tuesday. See you soon.
First of, he might be the cutest child EVER. And I totally realize that this may not be true. Actually, he might be very ugly (i seriously doubt that though) but because I'm his dad and I'm blinded by my love for him, i can't help but feel he's the cutest person ever. It always gets me though when i look at old pictures and see just how uncute he was months before. He looked like a little featherless chicken. He's head was totally out of shape with his body. He wasn't that cute but Lord knows, no one could of convinced me otherwise.
Second, He's brilliant. Yup, his little baby mind is amazing and he is always trying to figure out everything. How does the CD player work? How can i play the guitar? What do bugs taste like? How can i dance like Joshua from So you think you can dance? He's brain is always moving. He now knows where his nose is, and his mouth...so he puts his fingers up his nose when you ask him where his eyes are but 2 of out 3 ain't that bad.
Third, He loves. He loves giving hugs and kissing people and being cuddly. He gets excited when he sees his 'Nana' and loves meeting new people. He is gentle with babies and waves at strangers and lets me kiss his neck (then bite it, then scratch off his face with my beard). I can have an array of babysitters cause he loves being with people.
I love my son. My heart melts when i see him and i want him to have the best of everything. I want him to learn all that needs to be learned so he can be successful and joyful and ready for life. I want to grow old and watch him have children and go to school and go on adventures together.
I knew i would feel a lot being a dad but i didn't expect it to be this much and for it to be deep. I'm a pretty superficial guy (usually) and my feelings are often and usually pass by but being a father is like deep on my inside. Like, below my belly button. Its like something that seeps into every thought i have and every feeling i feel. I think i might be transforming from a 'sperm donor' to a father. If i could explain it (whoa...i haven't been this creative in AGES) but it as if each time i interact with my son, the man who takes care of himself and strives for his personal desires and thinks mainly of himself dies and I transform in my brain and in desires to do all i can for him. Its pretty amazing and shocking.
Well, i didn't think i was gonna talk about that tonight. There's a weird peek into my feelings of being a father. Thanks everyone for reading. I just read through all the comments and you guys are awesome! Keep those comments coming. I should be back on schedule of writing every Tuesday. See you soon.
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