Do you ever have those moments when you think the little trials you are facing are in fact, just practice runs for the bigger and more rewarding ones you will face later? The way things are going right now, i'm never gonna get to the bigger ones.
self-control. self-denial; the act of denying yourself; controlling your impulses wordnet.princeton.edu
Yeah...controlling your impulses...okay...time for some honesty.
I'M SO BAD AT THAT!!!! From the little to a little more dangerous i totally struggle with controlling my impulses. I must buy gummy bears when i don't have money. I watch stupid movies that i know aren't good for me and take away my much needed sleep. I often want random things and work on getting them. And though, these don't sound too serious, i'm beginning to notice how it may be linked to other things that are.
My church in seattle is currently doing a fast till easter. I totally believe in fasting. Its a wonderful way to refocus your mind and body on God. It is saying with actions that i will deny myself and my wants to get to know you better. It is saying that 'I believe God is my provider and will take care of my every need. He is my substance and without Him I am nothing. What it also does is show me how little self control I have.
I decided to fast sugars and sweets. If you don't know, i eat candy like its what keeps me alive. And i take WAY too much sugar in my tea. and i have 3 teas a day. And its not like there isn't any consequences. I have horrible teeth. So, to fast sugar has been tougher than i thought. I really thought it was gonna be easy. EASY...this is a key word. Self control and easy can't be together. Self control isn't easy. Its annoying and hard and NO FUN. So, when i decided to fast sugars and sweets, i knew that the same day i was going to be making apple crumble and the next day a birthday cake for my mom. Come on...really? Couldn't it be something else? Did i have to give up cake? Its been so hard for me walk by the cake i made my mom cause i want nothing else to eat it! But self control. I am making a vow with GOD. I will hold off. Now, if i stuggle with a vow to THE LORD, what does this say about my vows to my wife and child and family and friends? Its so scary to think about, i think it keeps me fasting. I don't wanna be the guy who knows what is right but has no self control so can't say no. God, save me from my own desires that aren't good. I don't believe all desires are bad but we all desire stupid things and we all need self control to say no.
Ya know what...i don't know if i've explained this right or clearly but it is really getting to me. I have been feeling so much about this. I'm gonna just pray. You can pray these words or come up with your own. God bless.
Dear Lord, You are good, great and awesome. Thank you for all the wonderful things you have placed in my life. God help me to show self control in the little things and in the big things. May I have the guts to walk away from the things that hurt you, me and thoes around me. In Jesus name, Amen.
Is Judd Apatow doing my job?
Disclaimer: I do not encourage people to go out and rent the movies i am going to talk about in this blog. These movies are R-rated because of nudity, subject matter and drug references. Be a smart movie watcher and research them first.
I'll admit this. I've watched half of superbad and thought it was hilarious. I've watched Role Models and laughed out loud. I've watched Tropic Thunder and maybe laughed at the worst part of the movie. I've become a sucker for gross comedies.
HAHAHA! Oh my goodness...i'm gonna tell a horrible story. I saw the movie "Something About Mary" in the theaters with my wife when we were graduating from High School. It was stupid and very very funny. I remember having my best friend/future wife explain to me a scene involving a male bodily function. a Major low point on my coolness scale.
I haven't seen that movie since that time. If i remember correctly it was basically a goofy (and dirty) romance comedy. Like the Van Wilder movies and american pie movies and all the teenage boys trying to lose their virginity movies. What i thought superbad was going to be about.
Apparently Judd Apatow is trying to steal my job. Mr. Apatow is the producer of Superbad. He has also produced the 40 year old virgin & knocked up. I was introduced to Mr. Apatow by a 16 year old guy who used to attend the church youth group my wife and I were leading. Superbad is a story of two senior teenagers who are trying to get to a party and have sex before heading off to college. Yet under this plot (and all the penis jokes and drinking) there is a not so sutble focus on male friendships and male role models. So, while all these teens are laughing their butts off they are also resonating with the deeper things portrayed in this movie.
being a youth worker I'm challenged by these movies. Not cause of what they show in it but because am I being as relevant? Am I able to show teenagers (especially young men) that deep friendships are okay and they can talk about their feelings, and have feelings and still be funny and macho?
I'm glad that after i watched half of superbad with this youth we were able to talk about what we saw in the movie and how he felt it related to him. It didn't turn into a sunday school lesson (that would be super creative on my part!) but we were able to speak about the need for male role models and adults taking an interest in his life and how its okay to love your friends and tell them.
So, yay for stupid comedies with meanings. I look forward to the next next one coming out, I Love You, Man. I think Apatow is really getting at something. Hopefully people can hear it.
I'll admit this. I've watched half of superbad and thought it was hilarious. I've watched Role Models and laughed out loud. I've watched Tropic Thunder and maybe laughed at the worst part of the movie. I've become a sucker for gross comedies.
HAHAHA! Oh my goodness...i'm gonna tell a horrible story. I saw the movie "Something About Mary" in the theaters with my wife when we were graduating from High School. It was stupid and very very funny. I remember having my best friend/future wife explain to me a scene involving a male bodily function. a Major low point on my coolness scale.
I haven't seen that movie since that time. If i remember correctly it was basically a goofy (and dirty) romance comedy. Like the Van Wilder movies and american pie movies and all the teenage boys trying to lose their virginity movies. What i thought superbad was going to be about.
Apparently Judd Apatow is trying to steal my job. Mr. Apatow is the producer of Superbad. He has also produced the 40 year old virgin & knocked up. I was introduced to Mr. Apatow by a 16 year old guy who used to attend the church youth group my wife and I were leading. Superbad is a story of two senior teenagers who are trying to get to a party and have sex before heading off to college. Yet under this plot (and all the penis jokes and drinking) there is a not so sutble focus on male friendships and male role models. So, while all these teens are laughing their butts off they are also resonating with the deeper things portrayed in this movie.
being a youth worker I'm challenged by these movies. Not cause of what they show in it but because am I being as relevant? Am I able to show teenagers (especially young men) that deep friendships are okay and they can talk about their feelings, and have feelings and still be funny and macho?
I'm glad that after i watched half of superbad with this youth we were able to talk about what we saw in the movie and how he felt it related to him. It didn't turn into a sunday school lesson (that would be super creative on my part!) but we were able to speak about the need for male role models and adults taking an interest in his life and how its okay to love your friends and tell them.
So, yay for stupid comedies with meanings. I look forward to the next next one coming out, I Love You, Man. I think Apatow is really getting at something. Hopefully people can hear it.
Cojones
“I'm not insecure. I've been through way too much f**king sh*t to be insecure. I've got huge balls."
Drew Barrymore
Or Cojones, as my wife would say. Cojones, balls, nuts, testicles. What I mean is, the boldness and bravery to face something that others would run from or ignore. I want to have BIG cojones.
I was at my regular Monday meeting and before it started, there were a few people scattered around the room, not talking. Some were on their cell phones, some were nodding to the music, others were staring off into space. I was sitting there sulking. And fuming. Again, i felt out of place and like a big loser. No one had called me a loser and apprently there was no "place" for me to feel out of. Then i heard it. I would like to say it was the funny voice of God.
"I made you with Cojones"
HA! I, the one who was made fun of in elementary and high school for being "gay". Eddie, the one who strangers would point and laugh at in the YMCA? The tall skinny poor black boy who looked like he should be able to play basketball but couldn't dribble and run in a straight line? God must be joking! As my mom said, without thinking of my feelings of embasserment "i think eddie was born with only one testicle" (for the record...i have two. 3 nipples...two testicles!).
"I made you with Cojones"
I think God said it like a dare. He has proven to me time and time again, He's got my back. I can take risks and He will protect me. Not stupid risks but the kind that push me out of my comfort zone and through the cultural norms that are ridiculous. I don't have to be afriad of peoples opinions of me or stay silent when i have the time to say hello.
I'm gonna do a little side track. I'm tired of the interest and activism from the christian world being directed at women and children. I am not against this type of work and don't want to take away from it at all. I want there to be a focus on men as well. After living in Central America for a year, i saw alot of missionaries reach out to children and women and ignore the men standing in the background. and then i realized, i was doing the exact same thing. I was totally comfortable going to teach children at a school or helping the mothers with their children, but the hard working man who is trying to take care of his family or the tough gang member who chilled out at the bar i would stay away from. They were hard, scary, unsafe. Or i just lacked Cojones.
"i made you with Cojones"
I ended up talking to the people in the room, introducing myself and putting myself out there. It was small. Very small but it was a step. I want to be able to approach anyone and not be afraid of their reaction to me. I want to know that i've gone through too much bleepin' poop (hehe pg rated) to be insecure and shy and afraid. God made me with Cojones. I don't need to be insecure.
I was at my regular Monday meeting and before it started, there were a few people scattered around the room, not talking. Some were on their cell phones, some were nodding to the music, others were staring off into space. I was sitting there sulking. And fuming. Again, i felt out of place and like a big loser. No one had called me a loser and apprently there was no "place" for me to feel out of. Then i heard it. I would like to say it was the funny voice of God.
"I made you with Cojones"
HA! I, the one who was made fun of in elementary and high school for being "gay". Eddie, the one who strangers would point and laugh at in the YMCA? The tall skinny poor black boy who looked like he should be able to play basketball but couldn't dribble and run in a straight line? God must be joking! As my mom said, without thinking of my feelings of embasserment "i think eddie was born with only one testicle" (for the record...i have two. 3 nipples...two testicles!).
"I made you with Cojones"
I think God said it like a dare. He has proven to me time and time again, He's got my back. I can take risks and He will protect me. Not stupid risks but the kind that push me out of my comfort zone and through the cultural norms that are ridiculous. I don't have to be afriad of peoples opinions of me or stay silent when i have the time to say hello.
I'm gonna do a little side track. I'm tired of the interest and activism from the christian world being directed at women and children. I am not against this type of work and don't want to take away from it at all. I want there to be a focus on men as well. After living in Central America for a year, i saw alot of missionaries reach out to children and women and ignore the men standing in the background. and then i realized, i was doing the exact same thing. I was totally comfortable going to teach children at a school or helping the mothers with their children, but the hard working man who is trying to take care of his family or the tough gang member who chilled out at the bar i would stay away from. They were hard, scary, unsafe. Or i just lacked Cojones.
"i made you with Cojones"
I ended up talking to the people in the room, introducing myself and putting myself out there. It was small. Very small but it was a step. I want to be able to approach anyone and not be afraid of their reaction to me. I want to know that i've gone through too much bleepin' poop (hehe pg rated) to be insecure and shy and afraid. God made me with Cojones. I don't need to be insecure.
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