The First Tuesday of Many

I have decided to write every Tuesday. At first i was just telling a select few so that when i failed, it wouldn't be so bad. But now I've just told everyone who reads (thanks to the five of you readers!) and I am going to try and be a man of my word. Grief...even the phrase makes me shudder.

I have developed this wonderful skill of preparing myself to fail. I don't really know when this started but by college, i was excellent at it. I would never make definite promises, i would leave room for me not to show up or call cause I knew there was a 60 percent chance i would disappoint someone. This was much easier to see and diagnose than the issue of disappointing myself. So, when i make plans for "when" i fail, instead of "if" i fail, i get a hint of what is going on in my head.

I want the world. That might be pretty big but its very close. As my wife can testify too, I dream like its my full time job. The top dreams of a very long list include: being in Cirque Du Soleil, performing on Broadway, running a group home, buying my grandmothers old house and making it a intern house for an amazing youth ministry, singing professionally, surfing, and starting my own magazine. These are not in order. (for extra points, put them in order and you'll win a prize!)

What I've been noticing, in me, and those around me, is the gap between our dreams and our realities are becoming larger and deeper and seemingly impossible to cross. Besides looking at the hard facts of our financial situations, our schooling (argh, I'm gonna cry), our work experience, our location, or bodies flexibility (which is why the Cirque won't want me) there is our own self defeating mechanism that tells us to always prepare to fail and thus, don't try your hardest.

I pray you aren't like me. I pray that you are jumping into your dreams with all you have and even though sometimes its hard and painfully and without pay, you are feeling the rush of life blowing across your face.

Like I told someone I love, our dreams aren't impossible. No matter the situation, your dreams aren't impossible. Maybe somethings need to change about your life. Maybe you need to change the way you think about yourself.

I feel like God is really pushing me to believe Him for BIG things. To not give up on the dreams I have, silly ones and noble ones. I will have to work on my thinking and maybe get some training but He is able to make impossible things happen. He is able to make impossible things happen for you too.

So, I'm saying it out loud...Every Tuesday I will write. In time I will start a really great magazine. I will surf one day. I will own my grandmothers house. Cirque du soleil...maybe that one is for my children, or grandchildren..or great grandchildren. Yeah...I'm gonna need some time to say "i will" on that one!