I think God might be chasing me. I think that He is pretty stankin' close and though i can't see him or hear him, He's right around the corner ready to make himself known. Its exciting. Its concerning. I feel like i'm being pursued.
This could easily be taken as a bad thing. Who wants to be chased...and by the creator of the universe. Especially when you know that you haven't been close to his standards and if God were anything like you (a human) he would probably not be very happy. I feel like that most of the time...until i start talking to him.
He loves me. God really, really loves me. I am the one that Jesus loves. He is fully interested in my life and fears and dreams. He considers me his child and wants to spend time with me. To give me purpose and meaning and identity.
There's a verse in the bible that says "perfect love casts out fear". I know that this is true. God loves me so much that when i get close to him all the fear of judgement and stanky attitude is totally forgotten. Seriously, i don't even remember that i was so afraid. He says some tough things sometimes and sometimes I don't wanna listen but i'm never afraid to talk to him.
I've been in some pretty cool situations with God and I know that He has taken care of me SO MANY TIMES. I feel like He is getting ready to take me to a new level. He is preparing me to see things through his eyes. To see myself the way He sees me. To love other people the way Jesus would love them.
Its pretty exciting. I look forward to sharing whatever i learn with you guys on this blog. Yup, its time to change the name! WOW...things are changing. Thanks for being a part of it.
From Sperm Donor to Father
After a little over two weeks away from my one year old son, I am back being a stay at home dad, looking for a job and trying to teach my little boy the necessary skills for life...no pressure! I haven't spoken about him too much here and after looking at him play for a good hour, i felt he was very deserving of a post on my blog.
First of, he might be the cutest child EVER. And I totally realize that this may not be true. Actually, he might be very ugly (i seriously doubt that though) but because I'm his dad and I'm blinded by my love for him, i can't help but feel he's the cutest person ever. It always gets me though when i look at old pictures and see just how uncute he was months before. He looked like a little featherless chicken. He's head was totally out of shape with his body. He wasn't that cute but Lord knows, no one could of convinced me otherwise.
Second, He's brilliant. Yup, his little baby mind is amazing and he is always trying to figure out everything. How does the CD player work? How can i play the guitar? What do bugs taste like? How can i dance like Joshua from So you think you can dance? He's brain is always moving. He now knows where his nose is, and his mouth...so he puts his fingers up his nose when you ask him where his eyes are but 2 of out 3 ain't that bad.
Third, He loves. He loves giving hugs and kissing people and being cuddly. He gets excited when he sees his 'Nana' and loves meeting new people. He is gentle with babies and waves at strangers and lets me kiss his neck (then bite it, then scratch off his face with my beard). I can have an array of babysitters cause he loves being with people.
I love my son. My heart melts when i see him and i want him to have the best of everything. I want him to learn all that needs to be learned so he can be successful and joyful and ready for life. I want to grow old and watch him have children and go to school and go on adventures together.
I knew i would feel a lot being a dad but i didn't expect it to be this much and for it to be deep. I'm a pretty superficial guy (usually) and my feelings are often and usually pass by but being a father is like deep on my inside. Like, below my belly button. Its like something that seeps into every thought i have and every feeling i feel. I think i might be transforming from a 'sperm donor' to a father. If i could explain it (whoa...i haven't been this creative in AGES) but it as if each time i interact with my son, the man who takes care of himself and strives for his personal desires and thinks mainly of himself dies and I transform in my brain and in desires to do all i can for him. Its pretty amazing and shocking.
Well, i didn't think i was gonna talk about that tonight. There's a weird peek into my feelings of being a father. Thanks everyone for reading. I just read through all the comments and you guys are awesome! Keep those comments coming. I should be back on schedule of writing every Tuesday. See you soon.
First of, he might be the cutest child EVER. And I totally realize that this may not be true. Actually, he might be very ugly (i seriously doubt that though) but because I'm his dad and I'm blinded by my love for him, i can't help but feel he's the cutest person ever. It always gets me though when i look at old pictures and see just how uncute he was months before. He looked like a little featherless chicken. He's head was totally out of shape with his body. He wasn't that cute but Lord knows, no one could of convinced me otherwise.
Second, He's brilliant. Yup, his little baby mind is amazing and he is always trying to figure out everything. How does the CD player work? How can i play the guitar? What do bugs taste like? How can i dance like Joshua from So you think you can dance? He's brain is always moving. He now knows where his nose is, and his mouth...so he puts his fingers up his nose when you ask him where his eyes are but 2 of out 3 ain't that bad.
Third, He loves. He loves giving hugs and kissing people and being cuddly. He gets excited when he sees his 'Nana' and loves meeting new people. He is gentle with babies and waves at strangers and lets me kiss his neck (then bite it, then scratch off his face with my beard). I can have an array of babysitters cause he loves being with people.
I love my son. My heart melts when i see him and i want him to have the best of everything. I want him to learn all that needs to be learned so he can be successful and joyful and ready for life. I want to grow old and watch him have children and go to school and go on adventures together.
I knew i would feel a lot being a dad but i didn't expect it to be this much and for it to be deep. I'm a pretty superficial guy (usually) and my feelings are often and usually pass by but being a father is like deep on my inside. Like, below my belly button. Its like something that seeps into every thought i have and every feeling i feel. I think i might be transforming from a 'sperm donor' to a father. If i could explain it (whoa...i haven't been this creative in AGES) but it as if each time i interact with my son, the man who takes care of himself and strives for his personal desires and thinks mainly of himself dies and I transform in my brain and in desires to do all i can for him. Its pretty amazing and shocking.
Well, i didn't think i was gonna talk about that tonight. There's a weird peek into my feelings of being a father. Thanks everyone for reading. I just read through all the comments and you guys are awesome! Keep those comments coming. I should be back on schedule of writing every Tuesday. See you soon.
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