Drew Barrymore
Or Cojones, as my wife would say. Cojones, balls, nuts, testicles. What I mean is, the boldness and bravery to face something that others would run from or ignore. I want to have BIG cojones.
I was at my regular Monday meeting and before it started, there were a few people scattered around the room, not talking. Some were on their cell phones, some were nodding to the music, others were staring off into space. I was sitting there sulking. And fuming. Again, i felt out of place and like a big loser. No one had called me a loser and apprently there was no "place" for me to feel out of. Then i heard it. I would like to say it was the funny voice of God.
"I made you with Cojones"
HA! I, the one who was made fun of in elementary and high school for being "gay". Eddie, the one who strangers would point and laugh at in the YMCA? The tall skinny poor black boy who looked like he should be able to play basketball but couldn't dribble and run in a straight line? God must be joking! As my mom said, without thinking of my feelings of embasserment "i think eddie was born with only one testicle" (for the record...i have two. 3 nipples...two testicles!).
"I made you with Cojones"
I think God said it like a dare. He has proven to me time and time again, He's got my back. I can take risks and He will protect me. Not stupid risks but the kind that push me out of my comfort zone and through the cultural norms that are ridiculous. I don't have to be afriad of peoples opinions of me or stay silent when i have the time to say hello.
I'm gonna do a little side track. I'm tired of the interest and activism from the christian world being directed at women and children. I am not against this type of work and don't want to take away from it at all. I want there to be a focus on men as well. After living in Central America for a year, i saw alot of missionaries reach out to children and women and ignore the men standing in the background. and then i realized, i was doing the exact same thing. I was totally comfortable going to teach children at a school or helping the mothers with their children, but the hard working man who is trying to take care of his family or the tough gang member who chilled out at the bar i would stay away from. They were hard, scary, unsafe. Or i just lacked Cojones.
"i made you with Cojones"
I ended up talking to the people in the room, introducing myself and putting myself out there. It was small. Very small but it was a step. I want to be able to approach anyone and not be afraid of their reaction to me. I want to know that i've gone through too much bleepin' poop (hehe pg rated) to be insecure and shy and afraid. God made me with Cojones. I don't need to be insecure.
I was at my regular Monday meeting and before it started, there were a few people scattered around the room, not talking. Some were on their cell phones, some were nodding to the music, others were staring off into space. I was sitting there sulking. And fuming. Again, i felt out of place and like a big loser. No one had called me a loser and apprently there was no "place" for me to feel out of. Then i heard it. I would like to say it was the funny voice of God.
"I made you with Cojones"
HA! I, the one who was made fun of in elementary and high school for being "gay". Eddie, the one who strangers would point and laugh at in the YMCA? The tall skinny poor black boy who looked like he should be able to play basketball but couldn't dribble and run in a straight line? God must be joking! As my mom said, without thinking of my feelings of embasserment "i think eddie was born with only one testicle" (for the record...i have two. 3 nipples...two testicles!).
"I made you with Cojones"
I think God said it like a dare. He has proven to me time and time again, He's got my back. I can take risks and He will protect me. Not stupid risks but the kind that push me out of my comfort zone and through the cultural norms that are ridiculous. I don't have to be afriad of peoples opinions of me or stay silent when i have the time to say hello.
I'm gonna do a little side track. I'm tired of the interest and activism from the christian world being directed at women and children. I am not against this type of work and don't want to take away from it at all. I want there to be a focus on men as well. After living in Central America for a year, i saw alot of missionaries reach out to children and women and ignore the men standing in the background. and then i realized, i was doing the exact same thing. I was totally comfortable going to teach children at a school or helping the mothers with their children, but the hard working man who is trying to take care of his family or the tough gang member who chilled out at the bar i would stay away from. They were hard, scary, unsafe. Or i just lacked Cojones.
"i made you with Cojones"
I ended up talking to the people in the room, introducing myself and putting myself out there. It was small. Very small but it was a step. I want to be able to approach anyone and not be afraid of their reaction to me. I want to know that i've gone through too much bleepin' poop (hehe pg rated) to be insecure and shy and afraid. God made me with Cojones. I don't need to be insecure.
6 comments:
Eddie nice blog this week! 3 nipples though?LOL I totally hear what you're saying about having balls. I think i'm a pretty confident person but at times I tend to wait things out and see if i'd be approached or if i have to do the approaching. I notice that if i don't speak i am totaly invisible. Now really, how can a girl with all of dis be invisible? You're all right Eddie. I find we are very similar actually. I remember you in elementary school being teased. You never stopped being who you are. I love that about you. And you're not a person who will cause a comotion for everything but ifyou've had enough or its not your day "everybody look out!". Anyways Eddie keep writing I need your blogs to reflect so i'm counting on you.
Love Mel
Mom said what?!?! WTH?!? Where was I for that statement! NOT IMPRESSED!
I agree! God did you make you w/balls! lol.
It's so funny to read this cos I have such a different perception of you... you're the one that is always you no matter what. Who talks to the strangers and asks all the right questions! You're the social-butterfly... the extrovert... who makes ppl totally comfortable in these situations cos you're so free to be yourself. I love you! And when I grow up I wanna be a little of you ;)
Thank you for sharing your journey! ♥♥♥
I love how you started out bold and then threw in a lil PG at the end just for fun. :-) As for me...I've got ovaries. But that was how I was made and I still need to throw them around more than I do. Har! Eddie, I love reading your blog...you are so YOU!
Oh! And, He knows just what to say...the words and the how to get our attention. Hah! He does have a great sense of humor!
I love the things I learn about you through your blog. I never would have thought of you as shy - you with your fingers in people's plates or in their ears. LOL. I love you the way you are, and I'm glad to know you're giving other folks a chance to know that "you" as well. You have no idea how meeting you has brought me out of my shell... you got something to offer bro... don't be hiding under no bushel or behind no jock strap, as the case may be!
In Spanish they are called cojones,
Italians say coglioni,
they are essential, not a bonus,
not just for Brits who’re bony,
and call them bollocks. Understand
the Yanks know them as balls,
by any name they’re in demand
whenever nature calls.
So let’s ignore now the semantic
distinctions made by Spanish,
Italians, Brits, when elephantic
it’s they who make men mannish.
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