Crap and Vomit

Last night, i had the pleasure of unclogging my toilet bowl. It was quite the scene, down on my knees, baby in one hand, plunger in the other, water everywhere. My son is quite curious and had to watch his dad try to fix the toilet. This is not an uncommon experience. Actually, in the past 3 weeks, I've unclogged my toilet about 6 times. I don't know about you, but that's a pretty big number for me. Maybe it was all the food from Christmas, maybe it was the amount of Christmas guests, maybe its my new plan to gain weight (don't poo), or the Mexican food, or maybe just a combination of it all...

I want to rewind to approximately a month ago. My son was feeling a little sick and had a slight fever. I gave him some baby Tylenol and a bottle and put him to bed. An hour later, he woke up screaming. I checked on him and it appeared that he had thrown up. He looked sad and confused and so i took him in my arms and was trying to calm him down when two seconds later, he threw up again, but this time into my mouth. Now here i was, son in hand, vomit on both of us and chunks in my mouth. I laughed. He laughed too (apparently that was all he needed to do to feel better).

Whats the point of me telling you all this? Why the focus on poo and vomit? People, I've been in some disgusting stuff lately. And if you are human, I'm sure you are either in or have been in some disgusting stuff. Maybe its relationship troubles, or crazy debt or trying to figure out your career and realize you have none. Life sometimes has some poo and vomit.

On the new CD, The Sound by Mary Mary, there is a song called 'Dirt' and its about how we need a little dirt to grow. At first I thought it was kinda stupid and childish but I think i need to change the word to 'shit' (i normal don't use that word but it fits). Poo doesn't hurt (unless you got some real toilet issues) but its gross and yucky and it smells bad. No one wants to deal with poo but we have all do it. No one wants to deal with their bad attitudes or spending habits or their fear of intimacy cause it stinks and its gross. But we've all got it.

Amen God loves me and can use the "dirt" in my life. He loves me no matter what and is helping me to work through the dirt in my life. He knows i will be happier with it cleared away. He understands that it may take some time. But He wants me to look at it and deal with it. He is apparently not afraid of dirt or crap or poo or shit. He wants to deal with it.

So as 2009 begins, I'm trying to keep my toilet unclogged and keep my eyes open to see what crap needs to be cleaned out in my life. I wonder if God has a really big plunger...considering the crap He's trying to take out of my life! Ha!

Christmas feeling

Its a couple of days left to Christmas. One of the craziest days of the year. I know I go a little loopy around this time of year. Maybe its the excessive carol singing. Or the obsession of baking like Martha Stewart. Whatever the reasons, I have often been disappointed during the Christmas season. And somewhere along the years, i realized it was more fun to blame random people for this woe...and telling them, very clearly, that they have ruined my Christmas. I think i told my sister this 40 times last Christmas...and i meant ever one.

This Christmas I find myself in an unfamiliar city, with lovely but different family members and without friends to harass and annoy. I also find myself without a job and constantly concerned about my often joyful, sometimes picky, 11 month old child. This is truly a new season and a new day. I have never had a Christmas like this before. And if there is one thing i'm not really good at, its adjusting. For all my silliness and what often appears as true randomness, I cling to routine like saran warp..and not the crappy dollar store kind either...the three dollar name brand stuff. I was feeling a bit lost before. Now i'm feeling sorta sad, sorta homesick, sorta alone.

Bless the Lord Christmas isn't all about my feelings. Could you imagine, i mean, my feelings are so out of wack sometimes you would think i do drugs, which i don't. Christmas is more than my feelings. Its more than your feelings too. Which change. Drastically if you're my sister (or me, apprently we are more alike then i like to admit). Christmas is more than my feelings. Its about Jesus (GASP, JESUS!) and how the God of all things, Holy and Wonderful came to us. Appeared on earth in a human body to change humankind forever. Amen.

I pray that this Christmas, Jesus meets you where you are, be it sad, lonely, happy, broke, etc. and moves you beyond your feelings to acknowledge what He's done for you and how you can respond. Lord, how do i need to respond? I guess i could start with getting my focus out of my own belly button and start singing along with my Mariah Carey Christmas CD. Maybe Christmas won't be ruined this year...or in the least, it won't be my sister's fault.