If you know me, which you most likely do if you are reading this, you know i am not perfect. Its common knowledge. Agreed upon and understood. And yet i seem to be in the very familiar territory of trying to be perfect or keeping up an image of being perfect. And i think it might be driving me crazy.
Perfect, according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is being without fault or defect. Fault or defect. So this should be clear and not confusing and not creating anguish in my life. No human being on the planet is perfect. It's impossible.
I want to say something deep and profound about society here. I think this is supposed to be that paragraph but i don't have anything to say (this has been happening a lot...is it possible to become mute slowly?). I'm feeling so far from perfect, so dented and used and like garbage that i feel ashamed to let people see me. I feel like to be good, i need to have anything in order, i can't admit mistakes and failures and bad attitudes. I mean, i can talk about past errors and the corrections I've made but to really be honest (i HATE honesty) is seeming like a huge monster over my head that will swallow me if i start to share. What on earth happened to me?
I want to blame other people. I want to blame my circumstances. I often blame God. (good thing He is so wonderful and doesn't hit me with lightning when i deserve it :P ) I think the truth is, it's in me and it has been in me for a while. Oh Lord, am i ready for this much honesty? I want to be good and right and rich and white and smart and funny and confident and macho and proud and witty and flexible (darn those olympic athletes.) I've had me for what, 27 years and i'm still not comfortable with me, my legs (their too skinny), my brain (its works too slow), my ethnicity (too much to even go into! LORD)
To my mom, don't worry, I'M FINE! ; ) It's always good to have to face yourself and really deal with who you are and what your made of. I'll be okay. (now, if only that didn't sound like i was trying to convince myself)
Life in America: week one
I haven't been very good at writing here but now that i'm gonna be a stay at home dad (OH YEAH!) I'm hoping i'll be more disciplined. Really, i'm super blessed by my sisters ability to be gut-wrenching honest in her blog (inside voice, check it out) and i think it must be catartic to be able to express feelings so freely. So, for the umpteenth time, i'm trying to blog.
It has been one week since i've felt montreal and joined my wife and child in Seattle, WA. We are actually in a town called Auburn, south of seattle by a hour, but its easier to say seattle so people know what your talking about. I'm now west coast. Northwest coast. Pretty different. The trees still have their leaves and are now changing color. there are alot of trees. Tall tress. and cars, lots of cars, trucks, suv's. and hills. Hills everywhere. So now, that you have that picture in your mind (trees, trucks and hills) lets move on to more specifics.
Obama is president. HOLY MACARONI! elections in the USA is no joke. I thought we heard alot about it in canada but guys, they make house calls here. (i've gotten several calls from the potential govnener of WA, giving me the talk, "dude, i'm canadian") Its crazy to see the division the election causes. People seem to get replaced by ideas and beliefs and everyone gets clumped into groups. I was watching ellen and she had seen an bumber sticker saying no to gay marriage and felt hurt and attacked. And i felt said cause ellen is a great person and who would want to hurt her. This is happening with business men, politicans, ethnic people, other countries. Everything is being clumped together and so you don't have to be concerned about an individuals feelings when they are just an idea.
Whoever became president would need bucket loads of wisdom and really big balls! This country looks insane to lead and i can't imagine that pressure resting on one man, one family, one party. Grief, i think its drawing me to pray!
Dear Lord, i pray you bring peace to america. Lord, bless Obama and protect him and his family. God, you are good and just and loving. You desire that everyone knows you and lives in peace with all of creation. May we get closer to that through individuals who love others deeply and love you passionatly. In your name,Amen.
It has been one week since i've felt montreal and joined my wife and child in Seattle, WA. We are actually in a town called Auburn, south of seattle by a hour, but its easier to say seattle so people know what your talking about. I'm now west coast. Northwest coast. Pretty different. The trees still have their leaves and are now changing color. there are alot of trees. Tall tress. and cars, lots of cars, trucks, suv's. and hills. Hills everywhere. So now, that you have that picture in your mind (trees, trucks and hills) lets move on to more specifics.
Obama is president. HOLY MACARONI! elections in the USA is no joke. I thought we heard alot about it in canada but guys, they make house calls here. (i've gotten several calls from the potential govnener of WA, giving me the talk, "dude, i'm canadian") Its crazy to see the division the election causes. People seem to get replaced by ideas and beliefs and everyone gets clumped into groups. I was watching ellen and she had seen an bumber sticker saying no to gay marriage and felt hurt and attacked. And i felt said cause ellen is a great person and who would want to hurt her. This is happening with business men, politicans, ethnic people, other countries. Everything is being clumped together and so you don't have to be concerned about an individuals feelings when they are just an idea.
Whoever became president would need bucket loads of wisdom and really big balls! This country looks insane to lead and i can't imagine that pressure resting on one man, one family, one party. Grief, i think its drawing me to pray!
Dear Lord, i pray you bring peace to america. Lord, bless Obama and protect him and his family. God, you are good and just and loving. You desire that everyone knows you and lives in peace with all of creation. May we get closer to that through individuals who love others deeply and love you passionatly. In your name,Amen.
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